Suicide Prevention

Worried About Someone?

Talk and Listen

In Scotland we acknowledge that talking openly about suicide is a way to reduce the stigma which prevents many people from seeking help or talking about how they are feeling.

The art of conversation is one way we are able to achieve this. Simply asking a person what is troubling them can make a positive difference.

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Spotting The Signs and Helping

If you suspect someone may be feeling suicidal, ask them, it could save their life.

Most people thinking about suicide will try to let someone know. There are several signs to watch out for. The key to helping is watching out for the warning signs and knowing what to do to help. Everyone is different so in some cases few or none of the signs will be evident.

Common signs that someone you know may be at risk of suicide:

They talk about wanting to die and don’t see the point of living, or a way out of their situation. They may say they feel trapped.
They have been through stressful life events or have experienced significant losses and don’t seem to be coping.
They give away prized possessions.
They start putting things in order, e.g. arranging wills, pet care or childcare.
They show marked changes in behaviour, appearance or mood; they may seem distracted, sad, distant or lacking in concentration.
Also, watch out for sudden uplift in mood or calmness as this can sometimes be because the person feels they have found a solution to their problems, no matter how drastic this may be.
They have made a previous suicide attempt.

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Facts and Myths

Myth: People who talk about suicide aren’t serious and won’t go through with it.
Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die.

It’s possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting attention, in the sense of calling out for help. It’s important to always take someone seriously if they talk about feeling suicidal. Helping them get the support they need could save their life. The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die – they do not want to live the life they have.

Myth: If a person is serious about killing themselves then there’s nothing you can do.
Fact: Often, feeling actively suicidal is temporary, even if someone has been feeling low, anxious or struggling to cope for a long period of time.

This is why getting the right kind of support at the right time is so important.

Myth: You have to be mentally ill to think about suicide.
Fact: 1 in 5 people have thought about suicide at some time in their life. And not all people who die by suicide have mental health problems at the time they die.

However, many people who kill themselves do suffer with their mental health, typically to a serious degree. Sometimes it’s known about before the person’s death and sometimes not.

Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.
Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have.

Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.

Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have.

Myth: Talking about suicide is a bad idea as it may give someone the idea to try it.
Fact: Suicide can be a taboo topic. Often, people who are feeling suicidal don’t want to worry or burden anyone with how they feel and so they don’t discuss it.

But, by asking someone directly about suicide, you give them permission to tell you how they feel. People who have felt suicidal will often say what a huge relief it was to be able to talk about what they were experiencing.

Once someone starts talking they’ve got a better chance of discovering options that aren’t suicide.

Evidence shows asking someone if they’re suicidal can protect them. They feel listened to, and hopefully less trapped. Their feelings are validated, and they know that somebody cares about them. Reaching out can save a life.

Reference: Rory O’Connor, Professor of Health Psychology at Glasgow University

Myth: Most suicides happen in the winter months.
Fact: Suicide is complex, and it’s not just related to the seasons and the climate being hotter or colder, and having more or less light.

In general, suicide is more common in the spring, and there’s a noticeable peak in risk on New Year’s Day.

Myth: People who say they are going to take their own life are just attention seeking and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Fact: People who say they want to end their lives should always be taken seriously.

It may well be that they want attention in the sense of calling out for help, and helping them get support may save their life.

You can help by being ALERT:

Ask if they are thinking about suicide
Listen and show you care
Encourage them to get help
Right now
Tell someone

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You Can Help

You may feel frightened to bring up the subject of suicide in case you think it will put the idea in their head. This is not true. Don’t hesitate to raise the subject. Be direct in a caring and supportive way.

Let the person talk about their feelings and listen carefully to what they have to say. Try not to judge them. Rather than dismissing their thoughts as silly, try to understand why they are feeling this way.

Let them know you care

If the person has an immediate suicide plan and means to carry it out, do not leave them alone. Get help immediately by phoning a doctor, 999, a local crisis support service or one of the helplines listed on our webpages.

Never promise secrecy. Dealing with suicide can be difficult and you can’t do it alone. Find someone to talk to about your own feelings

Heart with hands reaching one another inside it

Helplines

Samaritans – 116123
Breathing Space – 0800 83 85 87 (Mon-Thurs: 6 pm-2 am, Fri: 6 pm-Mon 6 am)

Talking – Starting difficult conversations

Talking with friends or loved ones about their problems is never easy.

Often they don’t want to talk. Sometimes they do, and we just don’t realise it. When they do start talking, it can be difficult to know how to respond. If a problem is really bad, what can we say?

Every situation is different, and there are no definitive answers. But here are some suggestions to help you start talking in difficult, challenging situations. Starting a conversation is half the battle. Once someone knows they can speak freely, the chances are that they will talk.

How do you know there’s a problem?

A lot of us prefer not to talk about our problems. Needing help can be seen as weak or shameful. But if friends or loved ones don’t tell us something’s bothering them, how are we supposed to know?

Sometimes people do put out signals tentatively

The signs are often there if we know what to look for. Here are some of the ways that people signal that they may need help:

Putting themselves down in a serious or jokey way, like Oh, no one loves me or I’m a waste of space.
Losing interest in their appearance.
Using drugs and/or alcohol as a comfort.
Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits.
Being uncharacteristically clumsy or accident prone.
Making leading statements, like You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through – or Someone up there’s got it in for me.

Some of the ways you can approach difficult conversations:

By being understanding, tactful and gentle, there’s a better chance that someone will want to talk. Some useful phrases are Is there anything I can do? Why don’t we have a coffee and talk about it?, I’ve been a bit worried about you, Are you ok? and I’d like to help.

Don’t tell – ask

You might feel that you don’t know how to help someone, because you don’t know what to tell them. But you don’t have to tell them anything.

The best way to help is to ask questions. That way you leave the other person in control.

By asking questions, the person you are talking with finds their own answers.

All of these questions effectively ask the person you’re talking with to examine, honestly, the problems they’re experiencing.

The only question to try to avoid is why? it can sound challenging, and put the other person on the defensive.

All you need to do is start the conversation, so that these questions are raised. Nobody expects you to know the answers. Not knowing the answers doesn’t mean you’re not helping.

Listen – How do you get them to open up?

We can all think of situations where we found it hard to talk about something that was troubling us. Difficult, painful or just embarrassing situations, which we found almost impossible to speak to someone about.

Imagine you’ve got a close friend who needs to get something difficult off their chest. How do you get them to open up?

Active listening is a way of listening which helps people talk through their problems, no matter how difficult they find it to put into words. It sounds a strange idea. We assume that when we listen, we don’t actually do anything. Well, not necessarily.

With active listening, although you do some talking, you’re really just acting as a sounding board. What you say doesn’t influence what the other person has to say. It just helps them to talk.

All too often, we say things which bring conversations to a halt, like I know just how you feel or Try not to worry about.

Although they’re meant well, they don’t encourage the person you’re speaking with to continue talking. They tend to wrap up what the other person was just saying instead.

With active listening, you can avoid this.

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5 Steps to Being a Good Listener

Step 1

Open questions

Rather than asking questions which only require a yes or no answer, try to ask open questions. For example, instead of saying Has this been going on for a long time? ask How long has this been going on? That way, instead of closing the conversation down into a yes or no response, you open it out and encourage the other person to keep talking.

Step 2

Summarising

It helps to show that you’ve listened to, and understood, what’s been said. You can do this by summarising. For example, So you’re being treated terribly by your partner, but you still love them?

Step 3

Reflecting

Repeating back a word or phrase can encourage people to go on. If someone says So it’s been really difficult recently, you can keep the conversation going simply by reflecting on this and saying, It sounds like it’s been really difficult for you.

Step 4

Clarifying

We all skirt around or gloss over the most difficult things. If we can avoid saying them, we will. If the person you’re speaking with glosses over an important point, try saying Tell me more about… or …sounds a difficult area for you. This can help them clarify the points, not only for you, but for themselves.

Step 5

Reacting

You don’t have to be completely neutral. If whoever you’re talking with has been having an absolutely dreadful time, some sympathy and understanding is vital. That must have been difficult or You’ve had an awful time can be helpful things to say.

Be a good listener

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Safety plan

When thoughts of suicide are overwhelming staying safe for even short periods of time takes a great deal of strength. A suicide safety plan can be a good tool to use as these times.

It isn’t plan of how to rid yourself of thoughts of suicide. The plan looks at staying safe for now so that you still have the chance to get through the moment & access long terms support. Thoughts & feelings can change; it doesn’t mean you will feel like this forever.

Concentrate on what you can do right now to give your thoughts & feelings the opportunity to change.

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Your Feedback – comments, concerns and complaints

NHS Lanarkshire is committed to improving the service it provides to patients and their families. We therefore want to hear from you about your experience. If you would like to tell us about this please visit our feedback page.